9.29.10 — Candy Crate

A coworker was inspired to bring this back to the office this afternoon — a box of "nostalgic" candy from the 70s. Not seen are some Pixie Stix, Candy Cigarettes and other assorted hard-shelled gobs of sugar high just waiting to happen. I did have a jawbreaker, figuring that it was small enough that it wouldn't be that bad. It wasn't in the photo, so all the rest still technically qualifies as Stuff I Didn't Eat Today material.

9.28.10 — Aloooooooha

A coworker came back from a week-long vacation in Hawai'i and thoughtfully brought us a 30oz. bag of macadamia nut Hershey Kisses. Damn. One could seriously do some damage with almost 2 lbs. of Kisses. I'm not even sure at my height of stuffing my face that I could have polished that off, although I probably would have tried.

No longer. Nope, a quick photo, maybe a lingering sniff over the giant bag of blue-foiled heaven and that's it for me.

9.27.10 — Meeting Grub

A few of us went to a meeting at a partner agency this morning and this is what was waiting for us. Sugar cookies, focaccia bread sandwiches and fruit salad (not pictured because I actually ate some of that).

I was struck by a couple things. First, we kick ass when it comes to food and booze for meetings. Yes, when the crumbs get passed down to the unwashed and are met with a group attack mentality, things can get ugly, but for the actual meeting-goers the food is usually top quality. While my coworkers seemed to especially like the sugar cookies, going back for seconds in fact, the sandwiches were panned, hard.

Also, there we're maybe 50 people at this meeting. What you see is what we got. A tray of cookies, a couple trays of sandwich slices and a bowl of fruit. I know it's odd for me to complain about food I didn't eat, but come on. Man up and show your partner agencies a little love. Soggy sandwiches and cookies isn't going to cut it.

9.24.10 — Mexican Stuff and Donuts

Good Lord, those things smelled horrible. They are deep fried chunks of crack that people around here love. Someplace up in the Pike Place Market sells them — I don't get the attraction. Maybe it's one of those places that sells deep fried everything, you know, like candy bars or Twinkees, etc. I think these must be the deep fried ass nuggets.



One of our international partners sent us a package with all this stuff in it. No one could figure out what it was until someone suggested it might be for flavoring coffee or espresso. Okay. Or, as a couple people tried, it's all just slabs of goo to cut a piece off of and go to town on. No thanks.



Looks like pressed brown sugar. Hack me off a chunk... not.

9.21.10 — Power Meetings

We had not one, but two catered meetings going on today at work. One was a group of local business owners hosted by our fearless leader. It was a power group talking about power things and they needed power food to fuel their power brains. POWER! Of course, as soon as the power people had their fill, the masses got their chance.



Is a muffin really gone if its greasy footprint is still visible? I think not. Those muffins will always be with us so long as those stains prevail.



Ummm, WTF? Seriously, even if I had been in there, shoving my coworkers aside to get first crack at the power crumbs I would have passed on this muffin thing. Someone tried to reassure me that the mold-like discoloration was blueberries. I didn't care. Would you really choose to put that in your mouth? Sometimes, this whole resisting food thing is easy.



These two boxes of fancy shmancy chocolates did not make it out to where the unwashed masses could get all grubby with them. They were put out for the power kids and then spirited away to some chocolate safety deposit box. Probably for the best since they would have been gone faster than a can of snausages dropped into a doggie day care play room on Shih Tzu day. Those little puff balls know how to put away some snausages. I'm still scarred from seeing that.



I like how these little roll thingys look like an excuse to pack as many giant grains of sugar on a pastry as possible. Let's have some dough with our sugar.



The carnage of the sandwich tray. One day, I'll do a video segment and provide the appropriate Wild Kingdom voice over for the sandwich tray. Something like, "Observe as they fall upon the helpless turkey club and the roast beef. Those poor deli cuts never saw the attack coming. And good lord, the attack just will not stop. I'm questioning my own humanity just watching this." yeah, something like that.



It's alawys better to get your raspberry goo in your mustard and mayonnaise. On the other hand, it's all going to the same place, so why not get the mixing started before it goes in?



Even looking at potato salad makes me throw up a little in my mouth. I swear, if they served a nice big bowl of potato salad, preferably one that had been sitting out for a few hours, every time food landed in our office I'd never have even the slightest tug of temptation ever again. Potato salad is one food that I've always gagged on. It's my damn food kryptonite. I'm getting all oogy even typing this.



These meetings are never complete unless there is a tray of gigantic Specialties cookies, brownies and miscellaneous chunks of chocolate. Look at those chunks. They could easily pop right into your mouth. In fact, you could probably take a small handful and... POTATO SALAD.

Whew. I had a weak moment there. Cold goo-covered potatoes to the rescue.

Until next time, potato salad. Next time.

9.13.10 — Office Soiree

Our agency hosted a little hors d'oeuvre and cocktail party for members of a professional organization we belong to who are in town for a series of meetings. I and my teammates were here working while the schmoozing and boozing was going on. I got a couple odd looks when I went into our conference room and took photos of the food, but no one said anything. Probably chalked it up to someone who hadn't seen crab cakes before. Oh I'm well acquainted with crab cakes. They don't call me Deadliest Catch for nothing.

No one actually calls me Deadliest Catch.

My nicknames are Magma and Skonk (although I'm hoping Skonk goes away — Magma is kinda cool).



I don't think we can do anything here without copious amounts of alcohol. It's kind of the industry standard. In our cubicle row, we actually have a file cabinet converted into a liquor cabinet... and it's fully stocked.



The tasties were all tasty looking... and looked especially dripping in the calories. I'm sure it was all great.



The crab cakes may not have been crab after all. Someone commented that they were more like seafood-surprise cakes.



No idea what these were other than deep fried and on sticks.

9.9.10 — Late Night with Ivar's

Working late and the coworkers are deciding between the Dirty Bird (aka Red Robin) or the Walk-up Fish Bar (aka Ivar's). Both hold a special kind of doom for me because, while I won't ordering, the mere fact that French fries will be near at hand might be enough to send me over the edge. I've had a long and stressful day, and my resolve is at a very low ebb. I'm cranky, tired and ready to chuck it all because I'm at work past 8 pm for the second night in a row. That crap puts me in a foul mood and fries might just be the balm for that hurt.

But no. They decide on the fish. I decide to hold my ground and let that hurt join the already fierce ball of black hate that has settled into my lower intestine. One day, it will break free and you'll see the news reports of a freshly skinny man, raving madly through the streets, rubbing thick-cut steak fries all over his body with one hand while spritzing himself and horrified onlookers with a squeeze ketchup bottle with the other hand.



Also, someone left this powdered cinnamon roll on the table behind me in my cubicle row. Eh. Easy to resist.

Total weight loss: 188.5 lbs.

9.7.10 — What didn't stay in Vegas

Our Photoshop guru went to The Photoshop World convention in Las Vegas last week and brought back this bag of M&Ms, color coded to our agency's color scheme. I figured since they were from Vegas, they were dirty whore M&Ms - sure, they'll satisfy your "needs" in the short term but they'll more than likely slip you a rufie, steal your wallet and sell your credit cards to her dealer for a dime bag. Oh sure, it'll be fun your friends said. No one will ever know, they said. Try explaining all of that to the nice detective who is less than impressed with your choice of tiger print underwear. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Bullshit. Herpes is forever my friend. For-ev-er.

Total weight loss: 188.5

9.5.10 — Unfair Food

I know this is technically a blog about food that comes into work that I then have to resist eating. It comes to me and I say no, not the other way around. Count this entry as an exception. I went to the food this time and really had to resist eating it.

I went to the Evergreen State Fair and specifically went through the food bazaar, or whatever they call that giant smorgasbord of the most unhealthy and delicious food ever created. That's right — fair food.



I mean look at that thing. What is that, something like 2000 calories sitting on that plate? It looks big in the photo, and it was. That plate was easily ten inches across. Good Christ. And the person spritzing it with whipped cream took it easy on this plate. I saw her double that amount for kids' plates.



I'll be honest. This guy whipping up the corn dog batter made it easy to pass by this booth.



Woof.



That is some serious sausage. Just feed it in one end and it'll come out the other end in much the same shape.



As appetizing as some of this stuff was, and IT WAS, seeing it prepared right there kind of helped keep me away from it all. Seeing the mass of food, the mess of food, and seeing people hork down gigantic quantities of fries or elephant ears or seriously everything — everything was in supersize me portions — was a little nauseating. So, as much as I would have loved to have taken a couple of those funnel cakes and just smeared them all over my body, I was able to resist.

Total weight loss: 188.5 lbs

9.3.10 — Again with the Top Pot

I swear someone here must own stock at Top Pot Donuts. It's crazy how often a couple dozen show up in the kitchen. I sit about 30 or 40 feet away and am getting a sugar high just from the smell of them alone. My greek yogurt with flax seed granola just isn't stacking up.



I've said it before and I'll say it again: I LOVE THE FRITTERS. The friter is the odd ball of the donut world... not a traditional circle-with-a-hole, not quite bread. Kind of an old fashioned style donut that mated with a lump of apple-infused dough. This horrible union has produced what might just be, to my taste buds anyway, the perfect baked good.

And yet I resist.

Total weight loss: 186.5

9.2.10 — Pizza Feed

A vendor lunch meeting, so pizza for everyone... except me. And yes, I KNOW, I could have had some of the salad.



MMMMM, the grease looks so good, glistening in the fluorescent lighting as it pools on top of the pepperoni.



And the grease looks even better under the pizza. SO YUMMY!

Seriously though, I have to convince myself that all of this is disgusting because I could pack away pizza like a freakin' linebacker who just did a week of two-a-days.

Total weight lost: 186.5

9.1.10 — Chocolate Loaf

A "gift" from a media client trying to get us to spend money with them. Coworkers who tried it described it thusly:

Orowheat with shitty chocolate ribbons.

Ho ho without the cream filling.

It looks like a blurry tramp stamp.

Yummy.

Total weight lost: 186.5